Royal Rumble 2006 Logo

January 29, 2006 - Miami, Florida
American Airlines Arena

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Sunday Night Heat Match (SMDN)
Fit Finlay def. Brian Kendrick via Pinfall (2:08)
Notes: Hah. Spanky came over the top rope to the outside, but Finlay pulled out the ring apron and Spanky landed right on it, crotch first. The Irishman finished off Kendrick with ease.

Match #1 - WWE Cruiserweight Championship - Six-Man Texas Tornado Match (SMDN)
Gregory Helms
def. Kid Kash
Jamie Noble
Sho Funaki
Paul London

via Pinfall (7:41)
Notes: -TITLE CHANGE- Helms, a Raw Superstar, won a SmackDown title. This was possible because the match was open to any former champions. Paul London had a cool Shooting Star Press from the top rope to the guys on the outside of the ring. Noble had Funaki in a Dragon Sleeper when he went after Helms. Helms tossed Noble to the outside and hit Funaki with a Shining Wizard and then pinned Funaki for the title.

Match #2 (RAW)
Mickie James def. Ashley Massaro via Pinfall (7:44)
Notes: Before this match, they showed Orton and HHH pick their numbers from the tumbler. But the stupid thing about it was if you watch closely, when Candice turned the crank, the balls containing the numbers hardly moved at all. Some mix job. But I digress. Boy, is the Women's Division in a shambles. There's about three legit female wrestlers on the roster, and one is too busy hanging with Torrie and Candice to wrestle, one is busy banging Edge, and the other is the women's champ. Hey Trish, there's a reason you've been champ over a year--it's called a lack of competition. Trish was the guest referee, and the black and white stripes never looked so good. And Ashley's music is dubbed over on the DVD. What they didn't dub over was the crowd booing.

Match #3 (SMDN)
The Boogeyman def. John "Bradshaw" Layfield
w/Jillian Hall
via Pinfall (1:56)
Notes: Geez, was this was terrible. JBL goes down in short order. I think he just didn't want to dirty himself wrestling this guy. Take Papa Shango, mix in a little bit of Darth Maul's face makeup, add Flavor Flav's clock, and sprinkle it with some worm-eating, and you have the Boogeyman. JBL threw Jillian to the wolves, and Boogeyman ended up crawling over her and spitting some worms on her. JBL then came in and attacked, and the match was finally on. Too bad it was crap.

Match #4 - Royal Rumble Match
Rey Mysterio def. (See Below) (1:02:12)
Notes: The lame-ass Spirit Squad came out with a Rumble cheer. I know I almost always side with the heels, but these donkeys are beyond even me. Rey Rey came out in a lowrider. He had also dedicated the match to Eddie. Lashley had some big maneuvers against Kane and Big Show, but the two of them hit him with the double-chokeslam right after Lashley tossed Sylvan. The two each had a hand on each other's throat when Trips came up and dumped them both. Big Show hit the floor a second before Kane. Crowd had a good Seminole chant going for Tatanka. Chavo did the Three Amigos and then went to the top rope to do the Frog Splash when Trips pushed him off and eliminated him. Viscera really looks like Grimace in his purple pajamas. Nitro inadvertently knocked out Mercury while the two of them were trying to eliminate HBK. Benjamin and MNM promised to eliminate HBK for Vince McMahon. When HBK eliminated Shelton, Vince's music hit. Vince came to ringside and was jawing at HBK when Shane McMahon snuck up behind Michaels and threw him out. Place went nuts when Trips was eliminated. Hunter was pissed. He pulled Mysterio out and pushed him into the steel steps, and then threw him back in to Orton. Randy toyed with Mysterio too long, because Rey Rey used a head scissors and threw him out. I'll just say that I'm pretty pissed that Rey Rey won it. I used to think that the person that benefited most from Eddie's death was Chavo, due to him now getting a good crowd reaction. Well, my opinion has changed. Because I don't think this would have happened if Eddie hadn't died. You'd better be thanking Eddie, Rey Rey. And if he would ever win a world title, he'd have to run down to Wal-Mart and buy one of those kiddie replica belts to wear. The regular belt would fall right down his waist and hit the floor. Worst Rumble winner ever. Ever. Worse than Hacksaw. Worse than Studd.

Match #5 - WWE World Heavyweight Championship (RAW)
John Cena
def. Edge
via Submission (14:03)
Notes: -TITLE CHANGE- Shit. I guess WWE had to get rid of that pesky "Money in the Bank" title shot plot point, and now it is over and done with. I hope Edge enjoyed that cup of coffee he had with the belt. Congrats Edge, you held the title as long as Ivan Koloff did. Then again, there are some big names that have held the title for less. Cena had one of the lamest entrances yet. This one even topped his turntables on the back of a flatbed entrance. He walked out on a catwalk that lowered from the ceiling, and fired off some streamers and confetti to the crowd. Lame. At least the champion walked out like a professional. The match wasn't all that great. It seemed as though Edge carried it. Cena did his "5 Knuckle Shuffle", his two fans cheered, but Lita jumped on the apron to distract the ref. Cena grabbed her, but sidestepped the charging Edge and Lita was knocked down. Edge turned around right into the FU, and then Cena slapped on the STFU. I guess Cena thought that adding a submission move to his arsenal would maybe silence some of his critics. And as a bizarre footnote, Grisham tried to interview Edge after the match, but he stormed off, leaving Lita. Lita began yelling at Grisham, but then was interrupted by Hacksaw Jim Duggan, who claimed he was there on behalf of John Cena. What the hell is Cena doing hanging out with Hacksaw? Is Hacksaw down with Thuganomics? Anyway, he gave a "Hooooo!" and Lita stormed off.

Match #6 - World Heavyweight Championship (SMDN)
Kurt Angle
def. Mark Henry
w/Khosrow Daivari
via Pinfall (9:29)
Notes: Woof. Kudos to you Mark Henry. Not just anyone can have a bad match with Kurt Angle. But you did it. Kurt pulled the middle turnbuckle pad off and ended up using a drop toe hold to make Henry's face hit it. Kurt then rolled him up with a schoolboy and held onto the ropes. About the only real interesting thing that happened here was the Undertaker making an appearance after the match. He used his lightning bolts to collapse the ring, and stared down Angle. I know a bunch of morons out there complained about this, and said it was lame, and even showed their ignorance even further by stating "why doesn't Undertaker just hit Angle with the bolts and take the title" or something similar. Well, dumbasses, it doesn't work that way. 'Taker would either be disqualified for using an illegal foreign object (lightning), or the referee would stop the match so the burnt up Angle could receive medical attention. I don't think the referee would count to three as 'Taker pinned a corpse. Anyway, I think Angle-Undertaker would have made a better WrestleMania matchup than what I think they are going to do, because with this you would pit Kurt's championship against Undertaker's undefeated streak at WrestleMania. But I'm sure they'll throw 'Taker against some other jabroni (aka Henry).

*Entrants were supposed to come down in 1:30 minute intervals. But for storytelling purposes, they sometimes have to run over/short, depending on what's happening in the ring. Individual times are from when the buzzer went off to the Superstar's feet hitting the floor. Times are approximate, taken from video footage.
#Time InNameExitTime OutEliminated ByTotal
10:00Triple H281:00:12Mysterio1:00:12
20:00Rey MysterioWINNER
31:31Simon Dean12:42Triple H, Mysterio1:11
55:09"Nature Boy" Ric Flair36:45Triple H1:36
67:00The Big Show716:32Triple H9:32
79:01Jonathan Coachman49:45Big Show0:44
810:45Bobby Lashley615:27Big Show, Kane4:42
912:35Kane816:33Triple H3:58
1218:37Chris Benoit1749:25Orton30:48
1321:09Booker T
1423:02Joey Mercury
1524:48Tatanka1239:25Mercury, Nitro14:37
1626:40Johnny Nitro
1728:14Trevor Murdoch1342:11Michaels13:57
1931:24Road Warrior Animal1034:24RVD3:00
2033:01Rob Van Dam2757:08Mysterio24:07
2134:43Orlando Jordan2151:08Orton16:25
2236:16Chavo Guerrero1137:31Triple H1:15
2337:56Matt Hardy1445:51Viscera7:55
2439:42Super Crazy1647:40Mysterio7:58
2541:10Shawn Michaels2554:19Shane McMahon13:09
2642:42"The Masterpiece" Chris Masters1950:11Carlito7:29
2744:21Viscera1850:04Carlito, Masters5:43
2846:06Shelton Benjamin
3048:59Randy Orton291:02:12Mysterio13:13

Commentary:Joey Styles and Jerry "The King" Lawler (RAW), Michael Cole and Tazz (SMDN)
w/Todd Grisham, Josh Mathews
Spanish: Carlos Cabrera, Hugo Savinovich
Ring Announcer:Tony Chimel, Lilian Garcia
Referees/Officials:Chris Kay, Jimmy Korderas, Mickey Hensen, Charles Robinson, Nick Patrick, Mike Chioda, SD GM Teddy Long, Dean Malenko, Vince McMahon, etc.

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